When we enter a marriage, we honestly believe it will be forever. None of us want to think our marriage will fall apart. We never believe we will grow apart, one of us will meet someone else and push us away. We don’t think our children or stepchildren will divide us until we can no longer find each other.
According to Forbes Magazine, the global divorce rate exceeds 50% for first marriages. Worse, the numbers climb drastically for second and third marriages. When we find ourselves in the position of dissolving our marriage, our dreams for the future, and the life we built together, few of us want it to be stressful. We must consider our children, extended families, jobs, friends, and living arrangements. So, we try to make it painless. In doing so, we often make mistakes we regret later. In this article, we will point out some of those mistakes.
Social Media
You may find this hard to believe, but your social media mistakes will hurt you in court. We live in a society that thrives on social media. We can’t go any length of time without checking our accounts.
We talk about when we are broken-hearted. We verse it loud and clear when we are angry. As long as we are hiding behind our keyboards, we feel safe making rude and sometimes untrue statements. There is always someone “on your side” pushing you on. Even if you make a statement in a fit of rage, it can be presented in court. If you comment that you hate your partner and that you will run away where they won’t find you when this is over, the judge can consider that. You could end up with limited or supervised visitation.
Never exaggerate or add to the faults of your ex. These things can be proven false, and you come out looking like an evil person. You are also taking a risk that the things you say will make it to the ears of your children which can be damaging.
If you publicly comment that your ex will never get a dime in support from you, you are asking to have your wages garnished. You can even have charges brought against you if you are not careful.
Guilt giving
There are times when a person with ethics finds him or herself in a situation where he or she knows they were wrong, and they are consumed with guilt. Perhaps in a moment of weakness, they cheated. Maybe they wasted the children’s college funds on gambling or took a high-risk investment and it failed.
In their guilt, they think they do not deserve anything. They give up the house and all the equity. They give up their car savings, their retirement, and all the furnishings. They agree to pay more than they can afford for alimony and child support. They promise to keep their family in the lifestyle they are accustomed to. They mean well. But when they find themselves living in their car, eating out of cans, and showering at the gym, they see this mistake.
They must survive. They may be accustomed to living on two paychecks and now they’re paying everything plus a lot more, on one income. To maintain their job, they must have acceptable clothing, rest, and food. If your ex is bitter about the breakup, don’t expect any understanding,
Don’t Empty the Bank Account
When you are angry and hurt, emptying the bank account, selling marital assets, or hiding valuables is a big mistake. You can count on this activity coming out in court. This could lead to the loss of all credibility for the spouse who chose to take matters in their own hands and litigation will usually follow. There is every probability that you will pay for that decision.
Even keeping your money in separate accounts will not protect you. In most cases, if you are married, all funds are marital assets. There are a few ways to protect a percentage of funds. Click here for more information.
Do not use the children as weapons
Divorce is about the break-up of a marriage. Even though the children are a product of the marriage, they have no control over the situation. We all know children go through growth and they test their limits. This could be rebellion, adopting bad attitudes, and even disrespecting their parents, teachers, and other adults.
Children may be angry and blame one or both parents. They may blame the one who left. They may accuse the one who stayed of running the other parent away. They may get angry because the lifestyle they had no longer exists. During life changes children often must take on more responsibility. The bottom line is their world is turned upside down and they don’t fully understand why.
Children love both parents no matter how well they hide it. Using them to hurt each other brings guilt, shame, and sadness, and it is emotionally abusive. Parents are to love their children. They are expected to protect them and train them so they will become balanced adults. It is important in a family to remember parents are role models and teachers.
Final Thoughts
Sadly, divorce happens. It is painful, financially draining, and damaging to every member of the family. But we are adults. It is up to us to keep our private lives private. It is up to us to be fair so each of us can survive. We never have to stoop to someone else’s level. Keeping ourselves strong so we can heal matters. Being an example of grace to our children matters. Divorce will pass and you will not only live again, but you will thrive. Keep these four tips in mind, and you will be miles ahead of those who don’t. Your healing depends a lot on how you conduct yourself through the divorce.
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