If your ex is angry or difficult, co-parenting can feel impossible. Research on post-divorce co-parenting shows why it is worth working on, and that skills-based programmes can help even high-conflict parents.
Three co-parenting styles
A 2016 study in Child Psychiatry and Human Development grouped divorced parents into three co-parenting types: high-conflict, undermining and cooperative. Parents in the high-conflict group reported lower life satisfaction, more divorce-related negative feelings and more inconsistent parenting. The cooperative group reported better family functioning and fewer emotional and behavioural problems in their children. The authors concluded that a positive co-parenting alliance may be a protective factor after divorce.
Can high-conflict parents improve?
A 2012 study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy tested a programme for co-parents in contentious custody disputes. Co-parents showed improved relationship functioning and more confidence in co-parenting, and both men and women reported less conflict in front of their children. These changes held at a two-month follow-up. The sample was small, so the results are early rather than final.
Practical steps
- Keep messages short, factual and about the children.
- Use a written channel or co-parenting app for logistics.
- Never use children to carry messages.
- Consider a mediator or co-parenting programme if talking directly keeps escalating.
- If there is abuse or you feel unsafe, contact a lawyer or a domestic abuse service first.
Frequently asked questions
Does co-parenting conflict affect children?
A 2016 study found children of cooperative co-parents had fewer emotional and behavioural problems than those in high-conflict groups.
Can a co-parenting programme reduce conflict?
A small 2012 study found improved co-parenting confidence and less conflict in front of the children, maintained at two months.
What if my ex will not cooperate?
Keep your own communication calm and child-focused, and consider mediation or legal advice. Safety comes first if there is abuse.
References
- Lamela D, Figueiredo B, Bastos A, Feinberg M (2016). Typologies of Post-divorce Coparenting and Parental Well-Being, Parenting Quality and Children’s Psychological Adjustment. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. PubMed 26518292
- Owen J et al. (2012). Reducing interparental conflict among parents in contentious child custody disputes: an initial investigation of the Working Together Program. J Marital Fam Ther. PubMed 22804471
General information, not legal or medical advice. Divorce law and family circumstances vary, so speak to a qualified family lawyer or counsellor about your situation. Last updated 27 October 2026.
