Most couples are confused when their relationships are facing some bumps and it becomes very difficult for them. During this kind of a situation, marriage counseling would be a way through which healing and understanding can be established. However, to their surprise, many couples even bypass therapy and proceed directly to divorce.
Why is it so? Why do couples refuse to use one of the most credible tools to resolve the problem of marital conflict? And above all; is it possible to reverse this trend?
Now, we should get to the heart of the matter and take a closer look at the reasons why people prefer divorce to counseling and how timely referral to the therapist can turn everything upside down.
1. The Fear of Facing Emotions
Fear, more precisely, the fear of being vulnerable, is one of the major reasons why couples do not turn to marriage counsel.
It is not an easy conversation to discuss when there are deep-rooted feelings, old cuts, or lack of satisfaction in marriage. Not only is the thought of confessing these feelings to a therapist overwhelming to some but the thought of sharing it with their spouse is atrocious.
Partners may therefore assume:
- What could happen when the therapist is on their side?
- What will happen in case I can not express myself well?
- What happens when I see or hear what I do not want to see and hear?
You are not imagining these fears, but ironically, you should be thankful that it does make marriage counseling all the more helpful then. An expert therapist is not somebody who is a listener, but it is someone who helps, directs, and ensures there is a safe environment wherein both partners can talk unreservedly.
Nevertheless, fear dominates in most people and divorce appears to be the convenient way out.
2. Misinformation and Myths About Marriage Counseling
A second major reason why couples fail to attend therapy is on account of some popular myths. Such myths are usually the reason that people will not think about having marriage counseling as one of the options:
- Myth 1- Counseling is something that couples on the brink of divorce resort to.
- Myth 2: It implies that we have failed.
- Myth 3: It is not a stranger who can settle our problems.
- Myth 4: Too costly or time-consuming.
The beliefs may be so significant and are usually based on what society dictates or what a culture stigmatizes. As a matter of fact, even those couples who are not going through a tumbling relationship would find couple therapy to be useful.
Furthermore, most therapists provide more flexible ones, such as the sliding-scale fee, online therapy, and short-time programs that would suit not only the budget but the time schedule as well.
3. The Desire for a Quick Exit
The thing is that people live in a fast-paced modern world. Unfortunately, there is no patience. In case of problems, some couples seek a swift solution.
Healing is a time-consuming process. It is demanding, reflective, and emotionally laborious. Divorce, in its turn, may appear to be a quick fix. Emotionally exhausted persons find it easier to “start afresh” than to fix what is damaged.
However, this is a short cut that frequently has a long term price, that is, it is expensive with not only financial costs, but also emotional and relational costs. Kids, property and common friends all become collateral.
Once couples take time to reflect and evaluate the consequences, a lot of them notice that marriage counseling may be, after all, a quicker way towards peace-as it is a fast route towards solving the actual problems, rather than sweeping them under the carpet.
Counselling during a divorce or separation can be very useful, even to those who have already been parting company. It offers emotional care, assists in handling conflict, and equips both partners, particularly in co-parenting situations, with means to make their transition a less turbulent one.
4. Lack of Awareness About Counseling Benefits
Not all couples are well versed with what marriage counseling provides. To them, it might be an option of last resort instead of a forward course of action.
This is what counseling really brings to the table:
- An enhanced communication skill
- Tools of conflict resolution
- There is increased emotional closeness
- An impartial area to talk about delicate issues
- Rebuilding strategies
By having an insight into these advantages, couples will have a much better chance of pursuing relationship therapy, rather than rushing into conclusions. But in cases where awareness is low, they usually think that the relationship would never mend.
5. One Partner Is Willing—The Other Isn’t
In many cases, one of the partners is willing to go into couple counseling, whereas the other does not want to. This inappropriateness may generate additional bitterness and estrangement.
Either partner may feel alone and the other one may feel stressed. They drift even more apart instead of meeting somewhere in the middle and achieve the very thing they wished to avoid.
This is an indication of why open communication is necessary. Although there may be two partners in a relationship, having one of them initiate therapy would still induce a ripple effect that will affect the relationship positively. The gap can be closed by encouraging baby steps like a trial session or a joint meeting or a virtual workshop.
Nevertheless, once both spouses are unable to find a common ground regarding the need to rely on assistance, it is high time to be prepare for the divorce process mindfully.
6. Stigma Around Asking for Help
The request of assistance is regarded as a weakness by several societies or cultures. Couples can assume that they would be capable of solving the problem themselves, particularly when they have enjoyed a long relationship.
In case of men, they might not readily accept to go under therapy as they might be pressured by society to be stoic and impervious to emotions.
The stigma is obsolete, yet, it remains. And as long as we continue to brand marriage counseling as an unhealthy and irresponsible action, more couples will either keep to themselves and suffer in silence, or cut this relationship short.
7. Social Media and Comparison Culture
The relationships of today are viewed through the prism of social media. They watch the best moments of other people’s marriages through highlight reel and ask, Why is ours not like that?
This is a comparison that draws unrealistic expectations. Couples feel a failure at not fitting a fantasy and express distinctive challenges instead of learning to deal with them.
A typical example is the popularizing of celebrity relationships. Such newspaper articles such as Is Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck marriage facing a rough patch really creates the speculation in the minds of the people only but very seldom do such articles mention anything as to whether any counseling or emotional work is being done behind the scenes.
During such times marriage counseling provides a sense of grounding. It serves as a reminder to couples that all relationships are difficult and the key to actual intimacy is not to avoid conflict but to live through it.
8. Toxic Dynamics That Block Progress
Naturally, not all couples want to get marriage advice because they are entrapped by bad habits. They may include:
- Emotional manipulation
- Power struggles
- A propositional high level of critical or defensive behavior
- Stonewalling (closing the communication process)
On these, couple therapy may appear as not only unproductive, but also dangerous. Nevertheless, an effective counselor may recognize such patterns and advise couples to recover individually or collectively.
Safety should be given first priority when there is abuse or trauma. In such situations, pre-couples work may start by separating or having individual therapy.
9. Success Stories Often Go Unseen
Human beings love to announce their divorces but it is hard to hear them saying that they made breakthroughs in a counseling session. Consequently, we do not learn about the stories of success that much- but they are there, and they are important.
Indeed, different sources claim that the effectiveness of marriage counseling is about 70%. This implies that most couples who participate in the therapeutic process notice that there is some improvement in the relationship.
Furthermore, up to 90% of clients voice long-term emotional well-being and increased satisfaction in the relationship when therapy is conducted by a licensed couples therapist. These figures point out to the actual possibility of healing and growth, in particular when the two halves are serious in the process.
Sadly these stories sit unheard. It is by casting the spotlight on these healthy effects that we shall make therapy a viable and active solution to crumbling deporting couples.
What Can Be Done?
As a way of reversing this trend we should promote:
- Public discussion of therapy with friends and relatives
- Training about what counseling is all about
- Taking shame off the seeking help
- Using early intervention as opposed to waiting in crisis
Couples do not have to wait until things go out of hand before they act. As a matter of fact, the sooner they seek help, the more chances they have of salvaging the relationship.
Other options such as Marriage Mediation which involves a third party intervening and assisting couples in negotiation and resolving matters in a manner which is less confrontational as compared to counseling or a court challenge can be preferred by some. It also helps to solve the problem especially in couples at the verge of parting but ready to reach a common solution.
How to Start the Marriage Counseling Journey?
Not quite sure where to start? The following are some practical steps to follow:
- Be open to your partner with your intentions of making the relationship better.
- License marriage therapists in your neighborhood or on search with the use of the internet.
- Go to one session, there is no need to make a long-term plan.
- Establish common objectives as to what you would like to acquire in counseling.
- Stay inquisitive, be patient: progress requires time, but you have a chance.
Final Thoughts: Choose Growth Over Goodbye
It is not easy to be in relationships. They need hard work, understanding and patience. They are also quite rewarding in case you raise them well.
You might be having some trouble, but take this to heart: You are not alone. There is no need to settle with either silence or possible separation.
Marriage counseling provides the means of bridge- it is a form of reconnecting, rediscovering love, and rebuilding a common future. Think about what therapy could open to both of you before taking a final decision.
Thinking about talking things over with a counselor or divorce? https://smartdivorcenetwork.com/ can help you to support your marriage or make a step towards a new life. Find related articles and reliable references, and caring interest right here.
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