The most important thing that people tend to lose site of before, during and after a divorce is the children. There are many reasons why we lose sight of these important people. We tend to get wrapped up in all of the drama, anger and hurt that goes along with the divorce. The stress of this situation causes us to focus on finances, schedules, living arrangements as well as a magnitude of other issues. Helping your child adjust to divorce is crucial.
Children Have Fears
When divorce happens kids feel angry, fearful and just as stressed if not more then us adults. A child adjusting to divorce will fear that both parents will leave them, they fear all of the changes in living arrangements, they fear having to move to a different school, they fear friends will not want to be friends with them anymore and they fear that the divorce was their fault. With a child adjusting to divorce, if we lose sight of the children they will start to blame themselves for the situation.
Blaming themselves can become a habit, which is something they should never feel. Children are so innocent that they do not understand the complexities and legalities of a divorce. If a child adjusting to divorce see their parents constantly fighting, yelling at each other or arguing about who gets the kids and when, the kids will blame themselves. The self esteem of a child adjusting to divorce will take a turn for the worse and cause more lifestyle changes then they should have to deal with.
Remember that a child adjusting to divorce go from seeing both parents everyday to seeing them every few days or even only a few days a month. In most cases parents end up moving into a different neighborhood and a child adjusting to divorce will have the added stress of a whole new world. This may seem new and exciting to you but for a child adjusting to divorce this is turning their world upside down and causing a HUGE lifestyle change. You may not have a choice but if you do, one constant that you should keep for you’re child adjusting to divorce is their school, that is exactly what you NEED to do. With their world turning upside down school, friends and teachers are just a few constants that they need to help them get through and adjust better to this difficult situation. I like to use the analogy of the kids having a solid cement foundation when their parents are married. When you get divorced the a child adjusting to divorce gets their foundation cracked and they have two different sides of that foundation they have to work with. School is the one foundation that the children adjusting to divorce will have that is still not cracked and one less foundation that they need to work with.
A child adjusting to divorce is difficult, but they don’t always tell you how they feel. The child adjusting to divorce is emotional and kids tend not to share how they feel in fear of hurting their parents feelings. Children do cope differently then us adults, so it is very important that you help them adjust to the best of your ability. There are many ways you as a parent can help them adjust, the best way is to spend a lot of quality time with your child adjusting to divorce. By spending time with them, they will feel more comfortable communicating and sharing feelings with you. Parents should continue to do activities with the children like riding bikes, going to the park or even just a walk around the neighborhood. Keeping your child adjusting to divorce happy, active and enjoying your attention will help them cope better with their new life. All of this work to help a child adjusting to divorce may seem like you aren’t doing any good at first, however as time goes on, your child adjusting to divorce will start sharing how happy they are that you have been there for them. A child adjusting to divorce may not give you immediate gratification, but when they acknowledge all of your hard work, it will be priceless and you will feel fantastic.